Restorative Questions for Teachers That Don't Sound Scripted

Two students arrive at your door after lunch, both talking at once. One says the other took his money. The other says he found it on the ground. You reach for the restorative question card on your lanyard and start at the top: "What happened?" By the third question, both of them are staring at the floor, giving you the answers they think you want.

So what are good restorative questions for teachers? The best ones are open, warm and free from blame. The NSW Department of Education describes restorative questions as open-ended, free from blame and focused on the past, present and future (NSW Department of Education). They work best when they sound like you. Open with a gentle guess, describe the behaviour in neutral words, and when time is short, ask three things: what's going on, what it means for everybody else, and how you can set things right.

These ideas come from Kristy Elliot, a former primary teacher, education consultant and founder of Restorative Pathways. Kristy has spent two decades working with schools to implement restorative practices and build connected, thriving school communities. Her starting point is simple. Restorative practice, she says, is about how we treat each other every day, in and out of conflict: "It is about relationships."

The ideas

1. Hold the card lightly.Kristy has no problem with question cards, and there are good questions worth learning. The risk is that with a script in hand, teachers can end up "less authentic, less organic, less warm and more robotic."
2. Open with a guess, then check it.Kristy's favourite sentence starter is a humble one: "I could be wrong here. I certainly don't know everything, but I wonder if..." Then she checks in with the student: "Did I get that wrong? Am I close?"
3. Describe the behaviour, leave out the verdict.Say what you saw in plain words. In Kristy's words, "Leave the evaluation out."
4. Settle yourself first.As the adult with the most developed brain in the room, your calm sets the tone. Kristy's reminder: "We wanna be the thermostat, not the thermometer."
5. Keep it short when time is short.Three quick questions cover the past, the impact and the repair, and they work in a corridor, a classroom doorway or a five-minute chat at the end of recess.

Exploring Restorative PracticesStart this course

Why "I wonder" works

Kristy demonstrates the opener with a case study about a student called Tannen, who picks up a $5 note that falls out of another boy's pocket at the canteen and keeps it. Instead of asking "Why did you take it?", she offers a guess: she wonders if Tannen felt a bit of joy when he spotted the money, and thought about buying a chocolate milk.

That small move does a lot of work. It tells the student mistakes are OK. It shows you have some ideas about what happened, without locking them in. And because it ends with a question, it hands the conversation back to the student. Kristy is clear that restorative responses are conversations. They are there to encourage reflection, and lecturing about broken rules shuts that down.

The same thinking sits behind neutral labelling. When Kristy summarises the canteen incident, she describes what anyone could observe: Tannen put the money in his pocket, two other boys told him to give it back, Tannen ran. She deliberately avoids saying Tannen stole the money, because "stole" is a judgement. Once a student hears a verdict, they defend themselves. When they hear a fair description, they have room to own their part.

Your face and voice matter too. Kristy encourages teachers to stay warm in their words, body language and expression, and to practise a neutral face in place of a scowl.

Here's how the two approaches compare.

Three quick restorative questions for a busy day

Kristy shares a stripped-back version for moments when time is tight, especially for relief teachers. She keeps the conversation to three questions:

• "I wonder what's going on here."
• "I wonder what that means for everybody else."
• "I wonder how we might set things right."

The first opens up what happened. The second brings in the impact on others. The third looks forward to the repair. Each one starts with "I wonder", so each one lands as genuine curiosity.

Before she asks them, Kristy sets the scene with a quick invitation. She tells the students it seems like a bit of an issue, suggests solving it with a couple of good questions, and asks whether they'll let her try. That small request gives students a say before the conversation begins.

How to use this in your classroom this week

• Pick one opener and practise it. Say "I could be wrong, but I wonder if..." out loud a few times so it feels natural when you need it.
• Rewrite one incident in neutral words. Next time you write up a playground issue, describe only what was seen and heard, and notice how differently it reads.
• Check your own temperature first. Before you start a restorative chat, take a breath, lower your voice and slow down. Kristy also suggests never starting a problem-solving conversation with a student who's hungry.
• Use the three questions in a quick conflict. Try them the next time two students come to you mid-lesson.
• If you're a relief teacher, connection comes first. Kristy notes that relief teachers have to get really good at building rapport fast, so greet students by name and set the scene before you ask anything. Then stick to the three quick questions.

Take it further with restorative practice

These openers and questions are a strong place to start. In Exploring Restorative Practices, Kristy goes much deeper into how restorative practice works across a whole school community. Inside the course, you'll find:

• her full question guide for the past, present and future of a restorative conversation
• the WARM approach she keeps in mind to stay present during a tough chat
• how to run a formal restorative conference when the harm is serious and several people are involved
• the behaviour iceberg, a tool for working out the feelings and needs underneath what you see
• a menu of regulation strategies for you and your students
• the steps of an accountability conversation, and where consequences fit in a restorative approach

If you'd like more ways to build quick connection with a class, How To Build Rapport Quickly In The Classroom is a great next step. You'll find more behaviour courses in primary teacher PD and secondary teacher PD.

Kristy's closing reminder is one to carry into every restorative chat. Behaviour is something we teach, the same as reading: "When kids can't read, we teach them to read."

HBWritten by Helen Bryant, Director of Education, ClassCover Learn. Helen has been teaching for over twelve years in both government and independent schools, across all stages from K-6.